Jersey Mom Blogging: Still Raw... Ten Years Later

I don't know if I've ever blogged about 9/11 before. Seems fitting that I should.

In years past, I'm always overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions on this day, and on the days leading up to it. The images all come flooding back. The stories of the heroes and of the children and families the lost ones left behind.

I was teaching in Lynn, MA on 9/11/01. It was my first full day. I hadn't even written the date on the board (it was early, and I was still swamped) when the vice principal came to the door and told me what happened. She noted that parents might be coming to pull their kids out of class, but that we shouldn't discuss it. The rest of the day I remember thinking, waiting, and not having answers... Spending lunch in the staff room glued to the radio... Driving home through the streets of Boston's suburbs while sitting in traffic, using a cell phone to call people in NYC and getting no calls to go through... Realizing that Jim watched it all unfold in the morning at home, and then STILL went into downtown Boston to attend class... and spending the evening at the local church, alone, crying, and crying. In the days that followed, it was comforting to be able to talk about it with my fourth grade students, and their parents, a few of whom knew people on the planes. Jim and I decided to travel home the following weekend, just to visit with loved ones. I distinctly remember hearing incredible booms a few weeks later and walking out into the hallway of our apartment with our neighbor (who assured me that he had a gun, if we needed it). Turns out it was just the Columbus Day celebration out in the harbor, carrying on with the tradition as they have always done.

And since then, most of us have done just that. Carried on-- smarter, with more understanding of our world, of what it means to be an American.

It was shockingly difficult to live in Illinois for four years and have to relive all of this while being thousands of miles away from "my people". Imagine going through the day and not seeing anything different. No memorial services, no hour-long specials on TV. Barely a mention out of most people's mouths. There were probably a few more flags flying on 9/11 than usual, but other than that... I don't fault these people, necessarily. I do understand that geographically, they were very removed from the raw reality of what was happening on the East Coast. But it did sicken me that I felt as though no one cared to remember. No steps were taken by my principals to discuss how we might commemorate this anniversary with our students (although I always did my own focus on patriotism on that day). You really could go through the whole day just like any other. :(

Ten years later, and I'm still captivated by the programs I hear on the radio and television, recounting what occurred on that day, what efforts have been made since, and how people are reflecting on 9/11 after a decade has passed. I've lived in three states since then. I've gotten married, had two kids, began my professional career as an educator, and left that career to focus on being a mother and a graduate student.

This was the year that I had to offer an explanation to my own child about what happened on 9/11. I didn't think I'd have to do this so soon, but I should have known better with Trenton. ;)

In our house, NPR is on throughout the day, and the boys often ask about things they are hearing. Trenton has heard the word 'government' a lot this week. I'm not exactly sure I remember how he brought it up, but I did feel the need to give him an explanation about the upcoming anniversary. I told him that a long time ago, some very bad men had flown airplanes into two big tall buildings. He asked why, and I explained that the men were very angry and did a bad thing. By putting it all together, he then asked me if people died. "Yes", I said, "Many people died. And that made many other people so sad." He thought about it for a minute, and then said, "Yeah, but those people are in heaven now. So they're OK."

He was calm. He did actually ask about it one more time.

Jim and I have kept the TV off. Put the newspaper away. Still too young for that.

On the drive back from MD last night, we saw two fireworks displays. The boys loved it. Wonderfully patriotic. Made us smile, stop, think, remember, and reflect. Ollie wasn't even scared.